


Cicatrices

by Valkeri_Spirit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AKA the love of my angst-loving heart, M/M, Mention of Sam's Most Recent Death, Mind Link, My First Work in This Fandom, Pre-Relationship, SPN 13x21 Coda, Sam's hand scar, Trauma Buddies, a real fun time, could be read as platonic, ish, so please be kind, that I wish was in more fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:45:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14543025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkeri_Spirit/pseuds/Valkeri_Spirit
Summary: An angsty Coda for Sabriel and SPN 13x21.Cicatrices (n): plural form of cicatrix1. The scar of a healed wound; 2. The scar on the bark of a treeDescription:Gabriel doesn't want to talk with Lucifer or really anyone and Sam stumbles upon him while both are close to collapse.





	Cicatrices

**Author's Note:**

> Well, welcome to my first work in this Fandom and my first fic posted on Ao3! Hope you enjoy!

Cicatrices (n): plural form of cicatrix  
1\. The scar of a healed wound; 2. The scar on the bark of a tree

 

Gabriel hated this and hated this damn world. In less than a day, he had had sex with a 300-year old witch, captured his brother with said witch, landed in his younger brother’s crotch, and watched Sam Winchester die. And just recently, Lucifer had come waltzing into the grim refugee camp after a bloody but alive Sam. Now, Gabriel was going to have to work with his elder brother. Which _always _works in his favor. Aside from the occasional stabbing. To put it lightly, he hated this situation with a burning passion.__

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Gabriel was currently sitting on a sturdy tree branch high above the forest floor and far away from wherever Lucifer had run off to with Jack and Castiel glaring not far behind. It was just too much for him at once. So he retreated back into the silent forest surrounding the camp which was devoid of any wildlife. Gabriel might not be able to fly long distances without draining his Grace anymore, but he could still travel very short distances. Which is another thing Gabriel hated. Being weak. Before his torture, he could bend reality with a thought. But now? He could barely power a trans-dimensional rift. 

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Gabriel could not help picking at the dying tree bark behind him. It was dark and brittle and watching it crumble in his hand before it fell to the ground was satisfying. It distracted him from feeling nothing he supposed. Gabriel could not help but let out a cruel laugh at that thought and ran his fingers through his hair as it fell into his face. Feeling nothing. Like how angels are supposed to be. Even though Gabriel usually preferred to feel everything, moments when soul-crushing thoughts threatened to take over, he missed feeling almost nothing. He supposed it was some type of coping mechanism that Castiel or Sam would chastise him about. Gabriel continued to ponder his more private thoughts while absent-mindedly swaying his leg off the branch.

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Gabriel was startled out of these thoughts by the crunch of leaves in the desolate forest. Looking down from his perch, he saw Sam walking by in new clothes then when he had last seen him. Gabriel almost wanted to laugh at how his branch, despite seeming high above foliage, was only a few feet taller than Sam. However, he kept silently watching and noticed how truly terrible the younger Winchester looked. Sam seemed to be on the edge of mental collapse for days before this just based on the bags under his eyes and, most recently, his poorly concealed frightened eyes everytime Lucifer was mentioned. Gabriel could not help but raise his eyebrows from curiosity as Sam grabbed his left hand tightly, drawing it close to the middle of his chest. Gabriel had noticed all the new scars on Sam, Dean, and even Castiel the minute his mind started to heal, but the one that stood out the most was the arch-shaped scar on Sam’s hand. Gabriel would bet money that it had one hell of a story attached to it. Just like the new mars on the soul that called that body home. 

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Though Gabriel knew that mars would not be quite the right word for those parts of Sam’s soul, even the new ones from when Sam had been stuck in the Cage. Mars are implied to make things less beautiful, yet Sam’s soul was one of the brightest Gabriel has seen in all his time on Earth. No, that definitely isn’t the right word, but he also wasn’t quite sure what the right word _would _be.__

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Before Gabriel could rifle through the many files of words in his mind, Sam looked up. Gabriel figured he had probably made a sound and would have to leave his safe haven in the tree. Otherwise, him silently watching Sam would probably raise more questions than him just sitting up in a tree. After he flew down from the tree, Gabriel watched as Sam looked down to stare at him with a mostly vacant expression. Sam looked like a complete and utter Hot Mess™ in the nicest way Gabriel could think of. He was obviously still rattled by getting his throat ripped out and Lucifer being his “savior”. Gabriel felt that a long time ago he would have made a joke to lighten the mood but now all he gave was a monotone, “Hey, Sam.”

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Sam barely acknowledged the greeting even though he gave out a quiet courtesy, “Hey,” in return. Sam messed with his hands before letting them rest limply at his sides as he averted Gabriel’s attentive gaze. Gabriel couldn’t help lightly pressing against Sam’s mind and emotions out of terribly concealed worry. Gabriel begrudgingly admitted to himself a long time ago that he had a soft spot for the younger Winchester brother; also, he felt like he had an obligation to care after Sam since he helped him start to recover from his torture. But Sam had always kept his mind under lock and key, and Gabriel felt the resistance of a mental wall. He decided not to push any further and give Sam the respect of not barging into his mind. Before Gabriel could fully pull back his Grace, Sam opened up the mental wall a small sliver while meeting Gabriel’s eyes. Gabriel could sense Sam knew exactly what he was doing. The intense flood of emotions from the mental wall opening its metaphorical flood gates nearly caused him to topple over, but Sam was prepared and raised a hand to sturdy him. In the base layer of Sam’s mind that was open, Gabriel could feel it was an endless loop of shame. Shame over not being able to save the innocent, shame over not being able to keep Mary and Jack safe, and shame over helping Lucifer. 

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Throughout this loop, Gabriel could feel a part of his memories seep through the connection to Sam as well. He was faintly aware it consisted of what was at the forefront of his mind recently; what Loki had said to him. _You’re a failure. You live for pleasure, you stand for nothing. And in the end, that’s exactly what you’ll die for. _Along with that came Gabriel’s fear of those few words being true. What if he truly _did _die for nothing? What if his death only happened when karma had caught up with _him? _No one mourning for a screw-up who barely did anything in the grand scheme of things. Gabriel’s heroic death at the hands of Lucifer was a mere trick. He was scared back then, and he still is. But now he has signed on to the Winchesters’ crusade to kill this alternate reality Michael even though is slightly terrified of facing his eldest brother. Alternate reality version or not.______

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Gabriel wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had shown someone a glimpse to his thoughts like this. It had to have been before he had fled Heaven, and it was throwing Gabriel for a curveball. Gabriel had to blink back the slight haze around his mind as his head fell against Sam’s chest from pure, unchecked emotional exhaustion. Gabriel wasn’t sure when they had gotten this close, but he wasn’t necessarily complaining. No matter what state Sam Winchester was in, his soul had always attracted Gabriel to it. Gabriel has best compared it to himself like how a moth is attracted to light. The light could easily burn the moth, but it still flies around it; sometimes, the moth dares to fly closer to the light than the others. It either learns the light is harmless or dies.

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Gabriel wasn’t sure how long he stayed with his forehead against Sam’s chest just listening to Sam breathing (Gabriel couldn’t help thinking that not too long ago he wasn’t doing that at all) as his thoughts ran rampant, but he could faintly feel the ramblings of Sam’s thoughts near to his. Gabriel snapped out of his daze when he felt a part of Sam’s mind and soul nudging at the barely there Grace still on the outskirts of Sam’s thoughts. Gabriel doubted Sam knew what he was doing and gave Sam’s soul one final caress before withdrawing his Grace anyways. It slightly pained him to do so as a part of Sam’s soul seemed to reach towards it to keep it there. Gabriel more felt than heard Sam take a shaky breath as his emotions became only his once more. 

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Gabriel almost didn’t react as Sam pulled him into a shaky hug, but then he felt Sam whisper breathily, “We’re pretty messed up aren’t we?” 

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Gabriel couldn’t help let out a rough laugh at that before replying with, “I guess we’re just made for each other, hmm?” Gabriel could feel the rumble of Sam’s laugh all around him. He couldn’t help but melt into the hug a little further while raising his arms to fully hug back. Before Gabriel closed his eyes though, he noticed the scars in the dark tree behind Sam. The bark looked battered by weather and strong despite the lighter deep scars cutting through the tree. At first they seemed to disrupt the tree’s natural beauty, but Gabriel kept running his eyes up and down the tree, taking it all in. The scars seemed to meld into the overall rough beauty of the tall tree in this destroyed reality. Then it came to Gabriel. 

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_Cicatrix. _That’s the word to describe the scars on Sam’s soul. _Cicatrices.___

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**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to give constructive criticism but keep it positive, please!


End file.
